188. Dr. Ren Stinson: Lotus, Liberation, and Expanding Masculinity

In this deeply moving and thoughtful conversation, Dr. Ren shares the personal, cultural, and professional journey that shaped his life and work.

Origins & Identity
Ren begins by telling the story of his first ten years growing up in Japan and the powerful meaning behind his name. Ren, which means “Lotus,” was intentionally chosen by his mother — a decision so unusual at the time that she had to seek special permission to have it officially recognized. She even had his name added to an approved registry so he would not be treated as a foreigner. Years later, the name would rise to become one of the most popular in Japan.

A Childhood Rooted in Activism & Spirituality
Ren reflects on the profound influence of his mother — a self-described “wild woman” and feminine activist — and a family culture steeped in both social justice and spirituality. As a child, he participated in nuclear peace marches and was even featured in the news as a baby alongside Buddhist monks.

Raised in a bi-racial family in the Bay Area, Ren navigated a unique spiritual landscape:

·       A father who was a Christian minister

·       A mother who practiced Buddhism

·       Exposure to Japan’s polytheistic cultural traditions

His parents fostered an environment of freedom, creativity, and deep acceptance.

Masculinity, Culture, and Formation
Ren shares how hockey culture played a significant role in shaping his early understanding of masculinity — including its strengths, pressures, and emotional limitations.

These experiences ultimately led him to pursue psychology, where his multicultural upbringing and feminist influences deeply inform his clinical perspective.

Understanding Men: Shame, Anger, and Social Expectations
Ren discusses his work in homeless shelters, his research on masculinity and economics, and how systemic pressures shape men’s emotional lives. He explains:

·       Why anger is often more socially acceptable for men than shame

·       How economic expectations and social norms intensify male distress

·       The hidden emotional costs of trying to live up to an impossible masculine image

Changing Rape Culture & Supporting Men’s Healing
As the first male staff member at a women’s resource center, Ren facilitated men’s groups focused on sexual assault prevention and accountability. He shares insights about:

·       How patriarchal systems harm men as well as women

·       The “man box” exercise he uses to help men examine rigid gender expectations

·       How younger generations are showing greater emotional openness

Expanding Masculinity (Not Redefining It)
Rather than replacing masculinity, Ren advocates for expanding it — pushing the edges outward so men can live more fully and authentically. He speaks about:

·       The importance of permission-giving among men

·       Modeling vulnerability and emotional honesty

·       Supporting men to step outside restrictive norms

The Role of Feminist Psychotherapy
Ren highlights how feminist therapy frameworks help men develop self-compassion by understanding systemic influences rather than internalizing blame. This is especially vital for men who have experienced trauma or violence.

 Harnessing Justified Anger for Change
A powerful theme of the episode is how justified anger can become a force for healing and social transformation when channeled constructively.

Hope for the Future
Ren closes by sharing what keeps him hopeful: his direct connection to people’s real lives and stories. He reminds us that healing — individually and collectively — requires a return to genuine human connection and conversation.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download